Goofy Golfers And Their Routines

I spent all day yesterday on the golf course. No, I wasn’t golfing; I was helping out at a golf tournament for work.  But I spent the day answering the question, “Do you golf?”  Maybe it was confusing that if I was a golfer why was I slinging goodie bags at the #4 tee box instead of playing on a foursome!

My answer to that question is always the same — “Ya I golf, but never in public!”  It’s good for a chuckle and usually keeps people from asking the burning question everyone wants to know: how bad IS he?

If someone does press me about my golf skills (and I do use that term loosely) I usually tell them I reserve the torture of golfing with me for a few select friends that I know have much greater reasons than my 8-10 strokes per hole to hate me and still choose not to.

But that doesn’t mean there’s not a lot of banter and trash talk that goes on during a round of golf — lies are told, excuses are made, the same 7 or 8 jokes and one-liners are told over and over again.  But if you step back from the game and watch what people do before hitting the ball, in an attempt to make a better swing, you’ll find endless entertainment!

Here, in written form, is a recap of what I saw yesterday:

  • Put the ball and tee in the ground
  • Pat down the grass around the tee with your club or shoe
  • Test the wind to see which direction it’s blowing and how hard
  • Walk behind the ball and look out toward the pin
  • Pull up on the right shoulder-part of your golf polo
  • Pull up on the left shoulder-part of your golf polo
  • Take a half-hearted practice swing
  • Walk behind the ball again and look toward the pin, this time holding the club out in the air in a straight line from the ball to the hole
  • Walk up to the ball and stand feet together facing the ball
  • Pull up on the right shoulder-part of your golf polo
  • Pull up on the left shoulder-part of your golf polo
  • Take a couple more aggressive practice swings (the first should hit the ground while the second should only break off some of the grass)
  • Look down on the ball and then turn your head to see the hole
  • Bend your knees and give a little bounce
  • Pull up on the right shoulder-part of your golf polo
  • Pull up on the left shoulder-part of your golf polo
  • Hold the club stomach-high over the ball, parallel with you body in line with the ball and the hole
  • Bounce at the knees again
  • Hold your club perpendicular with the ball and slowly drop the club head down to the ground
  • Grip the club with your dominant hand, being sure to get your thumb lined up right on the club
  • Spread you legs about shoulder width apart
  • Take one more practice swing at almost full power
  • Step towards the ball about 6 inches or so
  • Bounce at the knees again
  • Lock your arm and set up on the balls of your feet
  • Relax as you start your backswing
  • Swing towards the ball, keeping your left elbow locked until after making contact with the ball
  • Have good follow-thru on your swing, bring the club all the way up parallel with the ground

And in my case if I do all that, I’ll be lucky to see the ball go bouncing 30 yards past the ladies tees, barely making it onto the first cut of the fairway. No wonder it takes 3-4 hours to play!

Honestly, I saw this or some variation of it with almost every golfer.  Baseball hitters are notorious for having their superstitious routines and rituals that they do for each at bat but golfers are just as bad, maybe worse!

And you half to wonder how much of that stuff really improves the swing.  Maybe if you played all the time the routine would help you “get in the zone” so to speak.  But if you really knew how silly and ridiculous you look doing all that stuff would you be able think about anything else.  Of course to golfers, it all looks natural and normal cause everyone has their own routine but to bystanders it looks redonkulous!

Then again, who cares how goofy you look when you’re on the golf course on a Monday rather than in the office!

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